hate

You hate me because i'm beautiful

you hate me becuase you

hate

you hate me because my thermostat

is something to ab

ate

and when you try to tell me that

i'm nothing

nothing

nothing and i'm late

well then my boy i'm sorry

if you've nothing to ablate

and if you find you lurking

for the nothing that you

take

then i'll just suppose your

morrow martyrs martyrdom to mate

and i'll try to make the difference

make the difference that i

make

but alas i'm left here standing

left here nothing

not too nake

-d and i've painted in the brushes

in the brushes of the snake

of the morrows mastered matter

and the morrows mastered make

for the masters of the matter

are the masters of the rakes

just to rake up all your dirty

and to rake up all you stake

and to rake up all the difference

of your ever coiling snake

and the difference made is nothing

that's the difference that i make

and the difference made is nothing

how ironic. what a take

and the difference made is nothing

how ironic and how fake

and the difference made is nothing

nothing 

nothing

so i'll wait 

the difference -

difference made is nothing.

i am nothing.

nothing.

fate.

Fig Trees

My mentor would hate this poem.

He doesnt like this sort of thing you see

Keep your head down

Do the surgery

Go home.

Live a life.

Leave.

Every man shall sit under his own vine

And fig tree

And no one shall make him afraid

My mentor has

A fig tree

Wisdom, its called

I think

Wisdom i dont have but wish

I did

Wisdom, perhaps i will

Acquire

Some day

If

Im not a fool

If

I learn from him

If

I pay attention

And stop needing

Attention

All the

Fucking

Time

If

If

If im brave enough to

Just cut and

Sew lines and

Save lives and 

Help and

Give and

Not need

Everybody

To 

Know

Wisdom.

He

my mentor

Is the greatest surgeon of our time.

Certainly of this generation

His hands

Dont

Move

Its Magic

To watch him 

But

Well

If you havent watched him in the OR

You would never know

Wisdom.

My mentor is

The greatest surgeon of our time.

Not flashy

Steady

Intentional in his life

In his research

Due ly diligent

Dualy in

his OR

Efficient

And

And he takes time

Precious time

Life-saving

Time

For me.

Invests in

His students

Invests in

Me.

So we must be important

Like his research

Like his

Surgery

He

Thinks we’ll

Save lives

Perhaps someday and gain wisdom

He’s

Planting fig trees

So he

at least

thinks

Theres hope for us after all.

I dreamed

 I found myself alone at sea

With only waves for company

And when at last i came ashore

There was no one

Just as before

And so i set myself to sit

And wait for him or them or it

And on and on with candle lit

Waiting for saving from perils pit

Until, at last i had to quit

To quit the sit be done with it

So up i stood

And got to work

I built a house

A home

A circ

-it of work like no one’s seen

I shocked myself

It was obscene

And convalescently i schemed

For rescue would not be

And sure, inside i dreamed away

I dreamed a horse a man a day

A day when he would come and say

‘You’re free. Let’s run away’

‘Be mine. See me and make me great

And care for me with arm and plate

And give me kids 

A home

A great

Many things 

I hate 

The many things i

Claim to hate

Im not a damsel

Times abate-

-ed long now past that

Fettered dream

A dream of home

And love of scheme

But no man yet has made me queen

Sure ive done the deed 

ive deftly dreamed

Put wig on pig and called it clean

But i cannot lie no more 

ive seen

Where that path goes

What that path gleans

And though the knight hath come my way

With sword in sheath and heart to say

‘Be mine my girl 

lets run away’

No thanks.

I’ll work today.

surgeon time

Yesterday i watched a man get lungs

He had no lungs

We gave him lungs

Or rather the surgeon 

Gave him lungs

A brilliant man

With thready thumbs

That work on as the ECMO hums

And vitals steady sum

Held the scalped as a paintbrush

Deftly

Gently

ease

And care

And His instruments his paintbrush

As if no one else was there

never seen man 

Use his pinky

Used to stabilize the blade

guess id not seen dedication

Never seen a man afraid

And yet despite his fear was confidence

Was pride of pallid prayer

As he marched on to the morrow

For the patient lying there

‘Hey, lets focus on the patient’

‘Time spent

made up

Somewhere else’

And i felt bad for the fellow

jaw was twitching

Conscious self

He was nice and he was bright and 

he was gifted

To be sure 

For i had Watched him suture

Watched his talent just before

But talent isn't vital

In the trenches 

On the floor

No your talent leaves you naked

In the battlements of war

And i felt worse for the patient

And i felt the surgeon’s right

Even then as fellow trembled 

Fellow tailored through the night

And the surgeon made him stronger

Harder

Readied him to fight

And the fellow he was armored

Scared and shitting far from sight

‘Don’t waste time

Think of the patient

My record’s 60 minutes

Time"

"Time’s a ticking

Just get on with it"

Minutes life-

times on the line

And yet on the clock was ticking

And yet the patient, he survived

Survived to breathe again tomorrow

Breathe and beat and think in time

He will breathe again tomorrow

Genius bore him

Air in rhyme

And he's breathing

And his life breath

Surgeon sutures.

Close him.

Time.