My love

 written 05/10/23 at 10:42 p.m.

I love him

but i'm tired

i love him

but it's true

Truth cannot fix the death threats

of a burning boiling hue

I have tried and longed to love him

Tried to hold him in the night

But he robbed my of my candle

to illuminate his flight

and so, goodnight my darling

tarry not, for not I'll wait

in the darkness there are monsters

gently tapping on the gate

in the darkness there are monsters

so goodnight, my love, it's late

in the darkness there are monsters

goodbye my love. Too late.

Cradle

 Cradle rocks

that bough that breaks

and takes the very sound it makes

into my heart, my body aches

I retch and sketch a canvas blank

the bough, alas, is broken

Cradle rocks

and mocks my sleep

so long that song, a staircase deep

and yet I lie here counting sheep

I creep and leap up to my feet

But no child has awoken

Cradle rocks

but cradles' still

it was because a womb should fill

unless it be a higher will

that she's not fit; her womb would kill

to life it will not open

Cradle rocks

and children breathe

they are the future i believe

and so, no future i conceive

it is quite lonely to seethe and grieve

a life that could not be

Monsters

I wrote this on 07/01/2020 at 2:53 a.m.

Women who had survived what I survived reached out to me. It illuminated memories I had blacked out, and I wrote this.

 I want to tell you a story about monsters

wrongsters

People try to cripple those who talk sirs

Monsters 

Lady walking tall taking a wrong turn

Stop her

She's about bleed because he wants her

drop, burn

He's so far away 

But he's so deep inside my brain

Like an on and on refrain

Just pain

Try to hide but life's a moving train

no rain

stains

splashing down a window pain

like hein-

ous crimes and chimes I whine

and blame

He took me as an addition to his collection

Told me my eyes told lies for his reflection

mirror-black 

like crack

for others' deep inspection

never stopping for internal correction

I was but a tool for him to better serve his ego

we go

on and on, a dizzy wizzy freak show

It's me though

my body, my mind for him to use so

abuse so

say the word, my job is to amuse so

I believed every word he ever told me

I would have died

and lied

I cried for him to show me

Until the day he ordered me with "blow me".

And I cried that night

oh I cried that night

I cried I cried I cried that night 

cuz the game was up

I had to fight

Had to live one more day, living on pure spite

My imagination to control, gave me a new sight

But in my heart, I knew that  coffee didn't brew right

But he's dead, and I'm alive

He's dead, I'm not his prize

He's dead, and I have opened up my eyes

I've found truth

so uncouth

but I've pulled a bloody tooth

I have grown

full blown

past the anger and unknown

and I hate

oh, I hate

how I've had to close that gate

I thought I was so great

But there's bloodstains on my plate.

I didn't as for this war, but lord I'll fight it

There's no choice, nowhere to run and hide

never mind

Fuck that, I'll fight it

I have a goal now, a purpose

I'm worth it.

By the scar that marks my body

G/d I've earned it

Every scream, Lord I'll redeem

because I heard it