Tuesday, February 27, 2024

The Cardiac Cycle

Chapter One...

...

Myocardial

.

contraction.

...


she holds him gently

to her breast

phase naught

she whispers

breath unrest

and yet he smiles

gentle jest

phase naught

is nothing

yet


the salty sweat of

sweet remains

oh Na

she sends

her salty flames

not yet she says

salt in her veins


until at last

twenty minutes passed

and now, alas

alas how crass

how crass that now

the time should pass

and pass it comes

it comes 

at last


at last the first phase shall begin

begin to win that sultry skin

to penetrate and peeling pin

bananas out

banana sin

tis out

tis out

to win

to win

in sin

in gentle climb

phase two so sweet

simply devine

like ice cream

sultry with her wine

and banana in her

growing


that steady state

that plateaud hill

until at last

she wants more still

and then, phase three

it's rough

it's real

it's building

harder

higher

he jams her now

he jams her hard

and now to plow

give with no guard


banana large

bananas out

banana firm

a banana stout

until at last

no more

she shouts


she shudders


she shudders lightly

lightly kiss

and now to lie

in lovers bliss

an ice cream bath

of sweet remiss

and up and down

yes. this


and up and down

in passive waves

through Gaps the neighbors

neighbors craves

craves yet again

again some more

but dear there's so much yet in store

my dear we've just cum

to phase four

and lust and lust

you lust for more?

she lusts naught

not phase

four



...

Chapter Two.

...

Pacemaker cell

.

Action potential

...


And what of him?

his story reads

what did he feel

his fill, his seed

well, different, surely

as he leads

he leads her forth

contraction


well, his phase naught

we know too well

there is no salt

there is no spell of

hesitation

know too well

he is not coy

he fell


fell to her hunger

oh so sweet

sex-Ty on the mind

a threshold beat

but she says 'Na' in salty bleat

but he hears

'it's on'.

she's in retreat

naught phase, his ice cream

sweet

so sweet


and now, it's out

bananas on

he skips right over

two and one

for him they're boring

not as fun

phase three

phase three

it's on


and on

and on

until at last

banana's ramming

ramming fast

ramming hard

and then

it's passed

three's gone

he's cum

at last


phase four

he softens, furrows his brow

the only time he'd 'Na' is now

salt has its day

now in his bliss

that limits what can

and cannot kiss

the rate of her

he's not limitless

and so she waits

his bliss


and on and on

it goes again

in cycling dance

a dance, ya ken?

ya ken it happens

yet again

he sets the pace

her hunger fed

she tightens

heightens

lub dub

again

Wednesday, January 31, 2024

Hate

I hate my
sister.

it feels weird to write that
oddly cathartic
and to me
lethargic
in denial of the
in fear of the
the singular solitary truth but there
it is

i hate her

in my bones
to my bones
to the depths of me

i hate her

never knew hatred
not really
and i hate myself
for my hatred
for hating
her

but i do

for her selfishness
for her clue
lessness
for her
cruelty
for her lack of regard
for me
for
my daughter
my daughter
my daughter

i don't care
i never cared how
she was
she is
to me

but my duaghter
my daughter's safety

fuck her
fuck her

truly
deeply
fuck her

she fucking sucks
and i fucking hate her
burn her
purge her
from my life
from my soul
fuck her
i'll burn the world
burn the world for
my daughter

and her?
and she?
why is she
why is she
why is she so cruel to me
why could it never ever be
a friend she's not
could never be
for all she has
and all she'll be
is she

and so
perhaps i'm crippled
perhaps i'm frail
perhaps i've lapsed and
passed the pail
and in the moement
as i've failed
to be for her
for her to be
a sister, mister
travesty
but she has chosen now 
has not chosen
me
and if she's chosen
let it be
by her choice only
let it be
it is not
is not
not with me
i see
i cannot force
cannot hope to make
her do
or true
-ly no mistake
so make it not
and watch it break
the fake re-
late -tionship that we've 
staked
now on everything
every wake
-ening and 
break -ening
off the breaks
i cannot be
will no longer fake
that fate 
my plate
it bears
the tears
and errs
the scrapes
the scrapes
of waste
of long gone grate
the love
has gone
the love
abate

-ed. I stand here now
a mocking freight

i stand her now
scars marr my plate

i stand here now
and stand a -wait

i stand 
can't stand
can't stand the weight

but
i stand here now.
i hate

Monday, January 22, 2024

Real Talk.

Okay. I’m real now. 

I’m back to basics. To who I am. Who, really I am.

No more rhymes. No more schemes. No more ripping at the seams.

It’s me. 

Just me.


Is that okay? I guess it better be. 

I mean

If it’s not, there’s not really anything to be done

About it.


If you don’t like me

As I am

Then I shouldn’t waste my time

Really


See, that’s the thing

I have no fear, sure

As long as I’m wearing

A mask


Because you can’t hurt me

If you don’t 

See me

Not really

Because, you see

It’s not me

You see

So you can’t hurt me

Because it isn’t me.


Not really 

Me.


Me doesn’t let you in

Doesn’t have to

Need to

Want to


Me doesn’t have to like you 

Most likely doesn’t

Me doesn’t waste time

You see


So I’m done

Done pretending

Done working my ass off 

To be


What exactly?


Perfect

Perfect for who?

For you?

I don’t care about you

I don’t even

Like 

You


But I’m afraid

I guess

Maybe

That if you see

Me

If I let you 

See me

Really 

Then you lose

I choose to lose

Your 

Utility


Your utility

To me


To take off the edge

As it were


Make me feel sexy

Sexier


But I don’t need you

Anymore


So here


I am.



No rhymes.


Just me.


It sucks out here.

Sucks so hard

I want to retch

Sucks harder than a whore on a trucker’s bench

Sucks worse than the worst yet vomit stench

That I passed

On my way

Home from the hospital

Today

But


You didn’t need to know that


Sucks 

Sucks truly

Sucks deeply

Like deep fucking shitty shittiness

I’m

Alone


So fucking alone


Broke too


And a failure


And a


Fraud


And a


Loser


And a 


Liar


And God


Did I do the right thing?


What did I do?

What have I done?


I’m trying to protect my kid

But I’m so fucking full of self doubt.


But see, 

I don’t need to

Like myself


I don’t need you

To like me


I just need to keep going

For her


Keep putting one foot

One toe

One sliver

Cell

Keratin nail bed

In front of the other

And maybe

Just maybe


That’s enough.

Wednesday, January 10, 2024

Heart

You held

a heart

And sewed

it deep

So deep

so steeped 

such prince

-ly pleat

And here       I stand

And here        I sleep

Un til        the dawn

Til mourning


You sewed        a heart

And watched        it break

And 'fore

to mar        -rows wretch        -ed wake

When all        is said

And all        is faked

A heart

Doth mar

-tyrs make


oh what        a heart

To hold        a beat

A beat        too neat 

to take        a seat

And if

I hol        -ler in        your keep

My heart        is morse        -ly meek


I want you now

My heart is vain

I guess        I’ll ne        -ver be        the same

And when you come

Just like I came

I'll beg

you neg 

you flame


I beg you heart

To hold me near

To bold        -ly break 

and comm        -an -dear

This heart that calls 

you. stalls        you near

Don’t hes        -i-tate

For fear


For fear of heart

Gives you        a-way 

There is        no pause

There in        the fray

The li        -ons pit

Of ghas        -tly gray

Just fold        your hands

And pray


Your hands

Those hands

To hold        a heart

To hold        my hand

here in        the dark

For now

I fear

I fear 

a spark

I feel

you feel 

your heart




Tuesday, January 2, 2024

Sun

Sun oh sun

Oh sun my sun

Tickle beneath me

on the run

Let me soar

through your

horizon

Let me sail you

on the run

Run right through me

through my veins

as though I'll never

be the same

If you love me

Let it rain

Rain upon me 

Sun again