Okay. I’m real now.
I’m back to basics. To who I am. Who, really I am.
No more rhymes. No more schemes. No more ripping at the seams.
It’s me.
Just me.
Is that okay? I guess it better be.
I mean
If it’s not, there’s not really anything to be done
About it.
If you don’t like me
As I am
Then I shouldn’t waste my time
Really
See, that’s the thing
I have no fear, sure
As long as I’m wearing
A mask
Because you can’t hurt me
If you don’t
See me
Not really
Because, you see
It’s not me
You see
So you can’t hurt me
Because it isn’t me.
Not really
Me.
Me doesn’t let you in
Doesn’t have to
Need to
Want to
Me doesn’t have to like you
Most likely doesn’t
Me doesn’t waste time
You see
So I’m done
Done pretending
Done working my ass off
To be
What exactly?
Perfect
Perfect for who?
For you?
I don’t care about you
I don’t even
Like
You
But I’m afraid
I guess
Maybe
That if you see
Me
If I let you
See me
Really
Then you lose
I choose to lose
Your
Utility
Your utility
To me
To take off the edge
As it were
Make me feel sexy
Sexier
But I don’t need you
Anymore
So here
I am.
No rhymes.
Just me.
It sucks out here.
Sucks so hard
I want to retch
Sucks harder than a whore on a trucker’s bench
Sucks worse than the worst yet vomit stench
That I passed
On my way
Home from the hospital
Today
But
You didn’t need to know that
Sucks
Sucks truly
Sucks deeply
Like deep fucking shitty shittiness
I’m
Alone
So fucking alone
Broke too
And a failure
And a
Fraud
And a
Loser
And a
Liar
And God
Did I do the right thing?
What did I do?
What have I done?
I’m trying to protect my kid
But I’m so fucking full of self doubt.
But see,
I don’t need to
Like myself
I don’t need you
To like me
I just need to keep going
For her
Keep putting one foot
One toe
One sliver
Cell
Keratin nail bed
In front of the other
And maybe
Just maybe
That’s enough.
