A Whim

So now, a flex: I just had sex

and don't know how to feel

I feel it here beneath my bones

but wondering was it real

I cannot think or scarcely breathe

To breathe that is to feel

the deathly dread beneath my skin

the sheets cannot reveal

A dread of bed whilst yet unwed

as do all daughters deal

there is a toxic yearning waste

a wasted wrathly peel

So still I sit and stir and steep

my steeping stir surreal

why alas the night does pass

in passing does conceal

where I've not dared to look, alas

so crass this heart of steel

should I not care or feel a brass

too fast; too fast I feel

I feel it here and everywhere

but closeness, no I don't 

I don't know what to say or why

I stay so firm afloat

I feel perhaps a bit unclean

a wash resistant coat

but here I stand and do not glean

the richness as I gloat

I've don't the deed! I have been fucked!

To fuck so fucked again

I will be fucking now with those

those many steady men

for better or for worse, my heart

my heart is on the mend

but matters not what my heart's got

forgot not, it's pretend

remember now my reason why

my one all means' end

and so to fuck I'll fucking fly

the length my needs extend

I'd like to cum here, here and now

to cum here by his hand

to lust the very greed, I found

myself with empty gland

He's not fulfilled my need

so here I stand and grumbling grim

I wonder why I've done the deed

Why now? why this, why him?

Perhaps but for a fortune's creed

In climbing clitoral stim

I'll end this poem like his seed

My why was just a whim.

you want the pain

They don't tell you that you like it

when he throws you to the ground

around

you don't know you want it when you're bleeding till you drown

you found

that you want it and you hold on to the pain

means he loves you

means he can't bleed without your veins

and stains on the relationship ain't enough to drain

the rain washing away the grain-y sands in your eyes numb to the pain

his lidocaine

alright but he wants you unrestrained

Now you know that you want it as he's grabbing at your throat

the most

anybody wanted was to toss you off the boat

you won't

lose his love, its poison it's great

but he won't look at you till the moment

he's gonna kill you

that's your fate

you're gonna die by his hands

the hands that loved you

touched you

you can't get more

that manicure is gonna cost you

the costume

memorize the corner of the death room

he's gonna end it

end your pain

and you want it

want his love though it's a sewage drain

can't complain

he's hysterical, he's insane

and you love it

cuz you're worthless

no one wants you

you're just lucky he'll spit at you

he has to touch you when he comes through

love or hate, it's touch

touch is great

so you take it

keep on coming back for more

no one tells you that there's nothing that you're taking it all for

you love him, so you take it over and over as before

cuz at least he touched you

hit the floor

For Her

Enslave me

Deprave me

Knock the devils that crave me

Lock me in dungeons and dig me a grave, see

But know I did right by my baby.

Fear is a fighting word

A righting word

A look them in the eye as the monsters are biting, lord

A turn around and run but you're tied to them by a cord

The lifeblood that they provide you

Question my mind, my mind is a blur

I cannot conceive of a world without her

So I keep fighting on through the cold icy brr

That freezes my mind and I stir

It no longer matters if I'm right or wrong

Good and bad have no place, and here I don't belong

In my heart, someone's screaming I've known all along

Her safety alone is what matters

I cry in the night all alone counting sheep

But I'll manage alone, I will manage to keep

Brewing and bustling the stew that I steep

Sure I'll take off the edge, perhaps I will sleep

With him, cuz he doesn't matter

I'd do about anything

Anything goes

I'd murder by millions

I'd fight righteous foes

Descend to hell's fires, I'd relish the blows

So long as I'm sure of her safety

So here is my song, little one, little dear

I swear on my life, you've got nothing to fear

For my life is nothing, a speck in the rear

view of the you that is so much, so new

So much greater and grander, so do not confuse

My plight and my fight as what's being "what's right"

Right matters not. Nothing matters but you