Real Talk.

Okay. I’m real now. 

I’m back to basics. To who I am. Who, really I am.

No more rhymes. No more schemes. No more ripping at the seams.

It’s me. 

Just me.

Is that okay? I guess it better be. 

I mean

If it’s not, there’s not really anything to be done

About it.

If you don’t like me

As I am

Then I shouldn’t waste my time

Really

See, that’s the thing

I have no fear, sure

As long as I’m wearing

A mask

Because you can’t hurt me

If you don’t 

See me

Not really

Because, you see

It’s not me

You see

So you can’t hurt me

Because it isn’t me.

Not really 

Me.

Me doesn’t let you in

Doesn’t have to

Need to

Want to

Me doesn’t have to like you 

Most likely doesn’t

Me doesn’t waste time

You see

So I’m done

Done pretending

Done working my ass off 

To be

What exactly?

Perfect

Perfect for who?

For you?

I don’t care about you

I don’t even

Like 

You

But I’m afraid

I guess

Maybe

That if you see

Me

If I let you 

See me

Really 

Then you lose

I choose to lose

Your 

Utility

Your utility

To me

To take off the edge

As it were

Make me feel sexy

Sexier

But I don’t need you

Anymore

So here

I am.

No rhymes.

Just me.

It sucks out here.

Sucks so hard

I want to retch

Sucks harder than a whore on a trucker’s bench

Sucks worse than the worst yet vomit stench

That I passed

On my way

Home from the hospital

Today

But

You didn’t need to know that

Sucks 

Sucks truly

Sucks deeply

Like deep fucking shitty shittiness

I’m

Alone

So fucking alone

Broke too

And a failure

And a

Fraud

And a

Loser

And a 

Liar

And God

Did I do the right thing?

What did I do?

What have I done?

I’m trying to protect my kid

But I’m so fucking full of self doubt.

But see, 

I don’t need to

Like myself

I don’t need you

To like me

I just need to keep going

For her

Keep putting one foot

One toe

One sliver

Cell

Keratin nail bed

In front of the other

And maybe

Just maybe

That’s enough.