Poison

Here is the reality about

That man

I could no sooner stop loving him than i could stop

Breathing.

I could hold my breath for a while, sure

Pretend there was no pain 

In my chest

Pretend the air wasnt

Leaving me

Drowning me

Pretend i would

Could

Live

Without him

Pretend.

For a while

I guess

But like it or not

Sooner or later

I come up for

Air

Because 

I must

Even as my lungs fill with poison

Poison Us even though it

May be

I do need to

Breathe 

And so 

My choices stand thus

Before me

As a man before his gallows

As a grimace before his

Grave

This

Is

What it is

Do i stay

under

Water

Pretend i am a fish 

Until the pain overcomes me and

Succumbing I 

Drown

Or

Do i dread the air

Above me

Hate the poison

Hate the pain and

Breathe it in my 

Veins or

Do i

Do i

Do i recognize it above me

Recognize my pain

Realize i cannot part with the poison

For the poison is mine

Mine 

I can

Learn to love the 

Poison

Love the parts of it that

Nourish me

Nourish my lungs my

Brain my

Me 

My

Being here 

No coincidence be so

I accept the poison

Above me

Accept it

Radically

And perhaps slowly

Slowly

No more poison

Shall it

Be

Perhaps 

Slowly slowly

I can learn to 

Let it be

And perhaps yet

Slowly slowly

No more poison.

Just him

And me.

I love you

I love you

for the way you held me in the night

I love you

for the way you felt like all was right

I love you 

for the way you brightened up the world

I love you

for the way you lighten up the loads

I love you

for everything you could and could not do

Fo the way you tried and cried and

bribed to make anew

And for the way you held me

crying sighing in the rain

For the very way you held me 

Held me

Helpend off the pain

And if ever for a moment wondered

Wrong or was it right

I love you for the every way you

Easened off the night

And if i faltered scared that some new song was missing

New

Well i love you for the way you listened 

Till it wasnt true

And for the kisses

Blisses in my

Effervescent night

In the musings of the morrow

Never convoluting might

But yet somehow i pondered feeling

-Cusings 

Losing

Fusings off the flight

But you made me what a women

Should be

Safe for long the fight

and you made me what a women

Shield me

Yield me

Wasnt right

Yes you made me what a women

And your women

Missed your flight

Yes you made me

What a woman

Woman wants you

Needs you

Night

Yes you made me

Just your woman

Just your woman

Yours.

Its right

her name

There was a woman

And i didn't know her name

She was laying on the table

And i didn't know her name

She'd been sick maybe for a while

And i didn't know her name

Or maybe she'd been fine

Again

I didn't know her name

But i saw her on the table

And i saw her open chest

And i saw it when they took out

Took the heart beneath her breast

And i saw her laying there

Just saw her laying there to rest

And i saw the surgeon doing

Surgeon do his very best

Surgeon knows her name and family

Surgeon knows her awfully well

Awfully well to be inside her

In this raging pit of hell

He was frantic scared and livid

His own trauma burning too

No he could not lose this patient

Could not lose this girl he knew

But me? Me I didn't know her

I knew nothing after all

Couldn't know that when i left her

Deft sir reaper came to call

Didn't know she had a family

Parents people real to love

Didn't know her final prayer 

Her final moments from above

But still i saw her final heartbeat

Fore her heart forever still

And i realize im a monster

And i realize this is real

And i realize oh how dare i?

Dare i not 

Not know her name

And how on Earth now do i ration

O’-lies and idolize this pain

What on Earth this woman’s dying

She gave me no permission to be here

Be here in her open body

Be here at all.

Its wrong.

Im sorry.

And i wont do it again.

This i promise you 

39 year old woman

Who i don't know

Whose name i don't know

Whom i've never seen alive 

With her own heart in her chest

Im sorry.

I promise you

I will never again look inside a person

Without at least knowing their name.