Don't say

I've often noted

how men have fetishized

my mind.

Which is fine, really

If it's the mind

You want

Less fine

I find

When you want it

up on your shelf

a collection piece

a statement piece

A piece

to speak

to the quality of your

acquisitions

as it were

were it not for

the fact that

that's me

all I am

all I have

I guess that

would be

could be 

fine.

Still, I go on

In the ever increasing

stillness and

un fullfilled ness of

my mind

ever spinning

winning

a race I've never run

or spun a 

tapestry at

gun

point

still . . .

Am I any better?

Is what I do

How I use

people to

get to 

get through my 

end?

I bend 

the rules of ethics I 

so religiously defend

so don't lend

me a pen

I'll write away your friends

your ends

matter not . . .

cannot contend

until my need to 

extend

my heavy

steady

burdened bend

so run, dear friend

fly and flee

don't ever

think of

thinking 

me

For all I am 

and all I'll be

is lonely 

only 

company

for women try

and women pray

to play or

stay an

other day

and if I 

couldn't 

shouldn't say

I love you

Just today.

No Daughter of Israel

shall be a 

har

lot.

Perhaps this isn't referring to a

lot

of sex

at all.

Perhaps it's of the horror of how we

the way in which we

whore out

the whole of

our minds.

Sell our souls for

a bit of schar

make men's means to

make their beds

and as we're bleeding

bleeding

bled

make their means and

make their beds

end.

To their schemes

our dreams

have led

And in pro seed

dings of the dead

cum forth seeding

weeding

wed

Survivor

The relationship is intrinsically abusive

when the dynamic of power is

uneven.

shifted

slanted

in the direction of 

the smarter

the more powerful

the stronger, harder, longer

Survivor

Who could chew you up

and spit you out

and still have another

for dessert

You cannot compare

cannot hope to compete

with the meat

with which I

pick my

teeth

You don't know

cannot know

what it is to be 

free

fleeing

flinged

by me

on the wire

ride my fire

feel desire

Climb so 

high so

ever higher

Taste my body don't

touch my prior

scars and

mars and

mason jars. Where 

I store the hearts

in gorey parts

the carnage of

mens dear departs

Don't come close

I warn you.

Don't come near

my dear

Don't woo a woman

who feels no fear.

She'll burn you up

and leave you drowned

and before you've even

turned around

She's off there with

another

Beautiful Mind

Have you relished for a moment

In the majesty of truth

Have you trifled for a token

Of dear Holmes’ hearty sleuth

And in so doing ravaged

Like a warewolf’s bleating blooth

For The deep pulsated paradox

Of knowledge sweetened tooth 

Come hither to me darling 

As you play with knowledge near

Come closer to me, angel

As you close upon the rear

Of the moonlight in the morning

Deftly whisper in my ear

Of the magic of the morrow 

Of the magic that you hear

For your eyes are lightened, glistened

Sparkling ever through the night 

And if but for a moment, listened

To the deafness of your flight

Still I stand here now, so awed now

In the meadow of your mind

And I wonder if you falter

Will you leave me far behind

And I wonder at the alter

Will you keep me there, in mind

And I wonder as you halt her

Will you halt all that you find

And I pray that when you halt her

You will revel in your find

And I pray that when you halt her

You won’t leave me far behind

Thank Gd

Thank Gd for my freedom

Thank Gd for my soul

Thank Gd for this moment

and the muse that

makes me whole

Thank Gd for the 

wondrous wrapped up

wrinkle in the bowl

Of tomorrows medley soup thing

breaking bread

and salty fowl

Thank Gd for the memories

Memories cannot

hold me deep

Be king rivers

dare to keep

silent whispers

in the deep

creep-like sleep

the parakeet

that cannot speak

a beat

like miep

with secrets

now to 

keep

Thank Gd

I am 

lonely

Lonely arms

in

to the 

night

Gd alone has 

given me

the hunger 

that I 

fight

And as i 

ride the

river

weighing paths of

wrong and 

right

I wonder 

in your 

freedom

have you ever 

thought to

fight

or did the 

moments

bleed some 

and

send you

into

fright

Did you want more

than you read

come and

show me

what to

write

i cannot move

the pen

but for

the 

music

taking 

flight

Today was some

thing

dreadful

Today was 

some

thing 

real

So why 

can't I

break free off

all the 

sadness

that I

feel

If I

succumb

to 

sorrow

and

acknowledge

its ap

peal

I doom my

self to

know

ledge

and the

pain of its

re

veal

I doom my

self as

call

ledge

dooms it

self

and yet con

seals

The child life

around me,

it isn't an i'd

deal

I alone have

problems,

and a parent's

movie

reel

But that's not true for

problems

that 

require you to

feel

The marriage now

is 

over

The mare

ridge now is

dead

the marriage of de

nial

draping on our

mare

ridge

bed

The mare

ridge ends in 

try ale

and the 

sea crits that we

said

Despite the

ticking di

al

that your

turning

fingers

led

Until you

did it 

once

too much

and

vanished

in your 

stead

It's over now for

ever

over now and

i am

fine

I'm not

fine

but that is

fine

for the

fine

can never

shine

The light of some

one's

sorrow

as she

drowns her

woes in

wine

And in so 

doing

morrow

leaves a 

trail of

pain 

behind

To Match

Is it not lovely

when heart matches mind

when all that which is searching

is falling behind

and all that's left laughing

is searching so blind

like deadly deep daftly

like bind -

ing gone to whence it came

but I will never be the same

for when can ever be a shame

as dark and deep a drain

as when we turn to fear or fame

or fortune of the frame

Can it be a leg would last

or shedding off a deeper cast

like golden glove

like fractured glass

that cannot end

in brass

hopping wrong like death escaped

in sympathy I'm finally draped

but they know not the ladies raped

in waking wraths of grapes

I cannot pray but what I feel

and wondering if I was real

when I screamed and begged and bathed a meal

of bloodied studied veal

to heal concealed that's so surreal

a moment's glance but for to steal

a deadly dance to deal

a mother's moment to reveal

beneath what she was wearing

staring 

a poet's poem prayer-ing

and trying deep despair-ing

cometh forth for long time tearing

but tomorrow never caring

came through anyway.

A Whim

So now, a flex: I just had sex

and don't know how to feel

I feel it here beneath my bones

but wondering was it real

I cannot think or scarcely breathe

To breathe that is to feel

the deathly dread beneath my skin

the sheets cannot reveal

A dread of bed whilst yet unwed

as do all daughters deal

there is a toxic yearning waste

a wasted wrathly peel

So still I sit and stir and steep

my steeping stir surreal

why alas the night does pass

in passing does conceal

where I've not dared to look, alas

so crass this heart of steel

should I not care or feel a brass

too fast; too fast I feel

I feel it here and everywhere

but closeness, no I don't 

I don't know what to say or why

I stay so firm afloat

I feel perhaps a bit unclean

a wash resistant coat

but here I stand and do not glean

the richness as I gloat

I've don't the deed! I have been fucked!

To fuck so fucked again

I will be fucking now with those

those many steady men

for better or for worse, my heart

my heart is on the mend

but matters not what my heart's got

forgot not, it's pretend

remember now my reason why

my one all means' end

and so to fuck I'll fucking fly

the length my needs extend

I'd like to cum here, here and now

to cum here by his hand

to lust the very greed, I found

myself with empty gland

He's not fulfilled my need

so here I stand and grumbling grim

I wonder why I've done the deed

Why now? why this, why him?

Perhaps but for a fortune's creed

In climbing clitoral stim

I'll end this poem like his seed

My why was just a whim.

you want the pain

They don't tell you that you like it

when he throws you to the ground

around

you don't know you want it when you're bleeding till you drown

you found

that you want it and you hold on to the pain

means he loves you

means he can't bleed without your veins

and stains on the relationship ain't enough to drain

the rain washing away the grain-y sands in your eyes numb to the pain

his lidocaine

alright but he wants you unrestrained

Now you know that you want it as he's grabbing at your throat

the most

anybody wanted was to toss you off the boat

you won't

lose his love, its poison it's great

but he won't look at you till the moment

he's gonna kill you

that's your fate

you're gonna die by his hands

the hands that loved you

touched you

you can't get more

that manicure is gonna cost you

the costume

memorize the corner of the death room

he's gonna end it

end your pain

and you want it

want his love though it's a sewage drain

can't complain

he's hysterical, he's insane

and you love it

cuz you're worthless

no one wants you

you're just lucky he'll spit at you

he has to touch you when he comes through

love or hate, it's touch

touch is great

so you take it

keep on coming back for more

no one tells you that there's nothing that you're taking it all for

you love him, so you take it over and over as before

cuz at least he touched you

hit the floor

For Her

Enslave me

Deprave me

Knock the devils that crave me

Lock me in dungeons and dig me a grave, see

But know I did right by my baby.

Fear is a fighting word

A righting word

A look them in the eye as the monsters are biting, lord

A turn around and run but you're tied to them by a cord

The lifeblood that they provide you

Question my mind, my mind is a blur

I cannot conceive of a world without her

So I keep fighting on through the cold icy brr

That freezes my mind and I stir

It no longer matters if I'm right or wrong

Good and bad have no place, and here I don't belong

In my heart, someone's screaming I've known all along

Her safety alone is what matters

I cry in the night all alone counting sheep

But I'll manage alone, I will manage to keep

Brewing and bustling the stew that I steep

Sure I'll take off the edge, perhaps I will sleep

With him, cuz he doesn't matter

I'd do about anything

Anything goes

I'd murder by millions

I'd fight righteous foes

Descend to hell's fires, I'd relish the blows

So long as I'm sure of her safety

So here is my song, little one, little dear

I swear on my life, you've got nothing to fear

For my life is nothing, a speck in the rear

view of the you that is so much, so new

So much greater and grander, so do not confuse

My plight and my fight as what's being "what's right"

Right matters not. Nothing matters but you

Death

What is death

A moment’s thrill

To swallowing a loathsome pill

And in the darkness holding still

Tomorrows come unbroken

Until death comes

Till death us part

For swimming in a savaged heart

Gives not beyond the beckoned start 

For starting words unspoken

Death is but a long retreat

Until the end our path doth meet

And still so cold beneath my feet

I walk till I’ve awoken

Therein lies death’s clever hand

A wandering soul, a contraband

A stranger in a strange new land

A heart of mighty folk sin

So give me quiet death I fear

I fear the moment beckons near

And in my heart I face the rear

For quiet moons, a cloak n’

Dagger in the moonlight

A dance for lovers’ spoon might

Be far to light a room, fight

For breath, for word unspoken

Sometimes I want the quiet night

When blinding light is just too bright

I find I’m taking no delight

In walking. I am broken

Hunger

Gallant is the hunter

Gallant is the sheep

Gallant is the honer of the secrets that you keep

Grievous is the fortune teller's tune that you bequeath

She fills her sorrow's sonder with the gallows of her grief

Hungry is the widow

Hungry is the farm

Hungry is the lonely lover's gallant waiting arm

Held at latitude so long to long along the way

He stands there till tomorrow standing yet another day

Hopeless is the hungry

Hopeless is the small

Hopeless is the mother lying laughing in the stall

Wayside sits her child barely walking for to crawl

Until she too is beckoned as she wanders in the hall

Tomorrow none are hopeless

Tomorrow's what we seek

Tomorrow all the hungry gather forth with forks of meat

And dig their hands in stoutly stew

To eat they'll take the heat

And as it burns their fingers, they'll feel it for a beat

And as the burning lingers, here comes the gallant feat

For bell tones buying ringers, morrow's lost in long retreat

Cold

My loneliness burns cold and deep

An endless brew left now to steep

Upon the wandering window's keep

For now she stands in mourning

Be not far from whence I stand

There is a mouth, an arm, a hand

A vaguely vacant contraband

Who cannot shake his scorning

Give me something new to hold

Lest I lose as fear unfolds

And nerve leaves cool from hands so cold

My hands are cold till morning

Light

There is a deep obscuring mesh

that covers me as earthy flesh

I yearn to know, to hold, to seek

the endless secrets that you keep

Does not a sailor's ocean way

Dream as you yield your yesterday

To gaze in light that's travelled far

ancient light of distant star

I look up now in earthly plea

and drink your eldest hungrily

Time and space bend paths you pave

perhaps they, too, your secrets crave

Hold me now in starry light

of deepest blue I see tonight

I realize now through poem penned

to beg your truth I am condemned

Naivete

Indeed you are self righteous

in assertions of your truths

You may believe your ethics

be they small and so uncouth

So sip your sweetened mocktail

use my heart as your vermouth

And alas there is no trouble

for in trouble there is truth

Build your walls of holy fortitude

Pray hard now for your soul

On the mountain there is solitude

Pure of body, fractioned soul

So I sit here now, still lonely

And I wonder, when you fall

Will you think back on this moment?

Will you think of me at all?

There was no me, not ever

unblemished hands don't touch, you see

When faced with your desire

You forgot there is a me

A friend you never were

Friend, no you could never be

For when faced with your desire

You chose your hunger over me

And in scalding passions fire

We could never ever be

We tangoed ever higher

Up that gingko kink go tree

So afraid to lose, sweet liar

Sure is good you don't like me

Sing the hymns in righteous choir

But I've left. You won't find me.

- written on 07/02/23 -

My love

 written 05/10/23 at 10:42 p.m.

I love him

but i'm tired

i love him

but it's true

Truth cannot fix the death threats

of a burning boiling hue

I have tried and longed to love him

Tried to hold him in the night

But he robbed my of my candle

to illuminate his flight

and so, goodnight my darling

tarry not, for not I'll wait

in the darkness there are monsters

gently tapping on the gate

in the darkness there are monsters

so goodnight, my love, it's late

in the darkness there are monsters

goodbye my love. Too late.

Cradle

 Cradle rocks

that bough that breaks

and takes the very sound it makes

into my heart, my body aches

I retch and sketch a canvas blank

the bough, alas, is broken

Cradle rocks

and mocks my sleep

so long that song, a staircase deep

and yet I lie here counting sheep

I creep and leap up to my feet

But no child has awoken

Cradle rocks

but cradles' still

it was because a womb should fill

unless it be a higher will

that she's not fit; her womb would kill

to life it will not open

Cradle rocks

and children breathe

they are the future i believe

and so, no future i conceive

it is quite lonely to seethe and grieve

a life that could not be

Monsters

I wrote this on 07/01/2020 at 2:53 a.m.

Women who had survived what I survived reached out to me. It illuminated memories I had blacked out, and I wrote this.

 I want to tell you a story about monsters

wrongsters

People try to cripple those who talk sirs

Monsters 

Lady walking tall taking a wrong turn

Stop her

She's about bleed because he wants her

drop, burn

He's so far away 

But he's so deep inside my brain

Like an on and on refrain

Just pain

Try to hide but life's a moving train

no rain

stains

splashing down a window pain

like hein-

ous crimes and chimes I whine

and blame

He took me as an addition to his collection

Told me my eyes told lies for his reflection

mirror-black 

like crack

for others' deep inspection

never stopping for internal correction

I was but a tool for him to better serve his ego

we go

on and on, a dizzy wizzy freak show

It's me though

my body, my mind for him to use so

abuse so

say the word, my job is to amuse so

I believed every word he ever told me

I would have died

and lied

I cried for him to show me

Until the day he ordered me with "blow me".

And I cried that night

oh I cried that night

I cried I cried I cried that night 

cuz the game was up

I had to fight

Had to live one more day, living on pure spite

My imagination to control, gave me a new sight

But in my heart, I knew that  coffee didn't brew right

But he's dead, and I'm alive

He's dead, I'm not his prize

He's dead, and I have opened up my eyes

I've found truth

so uncouth

but I've pulled a bloody tooth

I have grown

full blown

past the anger and unknown

and I hate

oh, I hate

how I've had to close that gate

I thought I was so great

But there's bloodstains on my plate.

I didn't as for this war, but lord I'll fight it

There's no choice, nowhere to run and hide

never mind

Fuck that, I'll fight it

I have a goal now, a purpose

I'm worth it.

By the scar that marks my body

G/d I've earned it

Every scream, Lord I'll redeem

because I heard it

Tits and Ass

Hi there.  My name is Tits and Ass
My life is that of golden glass
And yet I smile.  I must, alas
It's good, a life as Tits and Ass.

Tits and Ass perhaps seems crass
Still it's okay, they tell me fast
free drinks and kinks and compliments
You see, we see you, Tits and Ass.

Is there a mind?  A heart perhaps?
Oh worry not!  They will not last.
Thoughts and beauty need not clash
With she whose brand stands Tits and Ass.

Walk in silence, not too fast
Don't ask the ears of higher class
For now, we take but one thing, Lass
The body, gaudy, Tits and Ass.

Some wonder if a day would pass
When one would travel worry-less
And mind would matter... I don't ask.
I wonder not.  I'm Tits and Ass.

Indeed it is peculiar

Such written words are few

They clash with many spoken

Of the things I thought I knew

I’ll keep this brief my darling

Not of roses, violets blue

My heart doth beat a simple song

My song belongs to you

Above us mighty mountains rise

Atop them seedlings grow

To trail their earthy mothers

The oak sprouts deep below

Then us, we do just what we must

To reap all that we sow

So dear, begins my story thus

Tomorrow’s long ago

Waters rush out from the shore

They feed the strongest sea

Men fight with swords of rum and lash

For freedom isn’t free

No cage can beat the open air

When caged all creatures flee

Yet somehow I’m in highest flight

Tonight you’re holding me

So hold on tight, my darling

Steady stay upon your way

Touch me for a moment

In my midnight’s yesterday

The sturdiest of pillars

Water’s love made deep to clay

I look to you, my strongman

In a world of fear and fray

Do gently speak, my lover

Whisper softly till I sigh

Hold me close and watch the sunrise

Till it lightens every eye

Turn fast at the horizon

Turn fast as time draws nigh

And melt all that which binds you

Hold tight and yet we fly

Melt my heart it finds you

Hold tight and yet we fly

pi

three point one four one five nine
a moment more or less is fine
like silky smoothest reddest wine
and then its gone in brine
three point one four
four six eight
a time to last a time to wait
and when it stops to take the bait
the thug to chug his lulling freight
train
the rain
and fairest falsest vain
alive
to dive
for three point one four
one four five
lost the number
number jive
to me
to be
with three point one four
one two three
and on and on its got to be
no end in sight nowhere to be
an endless bend-less parody
it be

goodbye

summers night
and summers end
a crack to track a riverbend
whisper softly lover friend
and let me be
just let me be
i long so long it's wrong i see
to you
to me
i fly i flee
you trap
i snap
i'm free

summers night
and winters chill
fireside a lonesome grill
of what was once a loathsome thrill
of naught and nothing nill
the fill
of still
-ness silence
i don't buy it
fifty cents to pry it
open
i'll force it
force it fight it
pry it
run

summers night for summers day
gone what was a time to pray
and now there's nothing more to say
goodbye.

better now.

the night is darkest in its final hour

evil fights hardest just before its end

Rashi said that

G/d is great

just trust him

He's beautiful.

Jack

Jack be nimble

Jack be sleek

Jack always had a rotten streak

when momma told him hope was bleak

he scared

and glared

and claimed to be prepared

for the scene that often aired

around him

does there burn a flaming candle?

will it kiss a candlestick?

to jump over is pure evil

is a devil's dreadful trick

what a mind to hold a memory

but to waste a mind is sin

hate is power's next of kin

next to greed and need and gin

shoulda had a claritin

ultra, non-drowsy

feels lousy

running to arouse he

never knew

i'm sure

never saw

the score

never felt

the floor

when it hit him

would've stood his ground

around

when no one found him

or wound him

poor Jack

so small and nimble

poor Jack

and candlestick

if he'd only had a beanstalk

and its picky poking pricks

perhaps therein lay his trouble

when he never realized

that life was too short-lived

and too small to be despised

thus stands the story's lesson:

when you race around life's track

and you find it hands you lemons

better wash them down with Jack.

Light is one thing. Dark is another.

What of empty?

There must be a something for something to be empty. Or lost. Or dark.

It hurts. You know you’re alive. You know you feel.

Afraid. You know you’re real. You know you feel.

Feet are heavy. Flight is grim. No one’s there to hold you.

You know you want to be held.

You want. You need. You’re real. You feel.

So fear is stupid. Is silly. Is crazy. Isn’t real.

Like you.

Like who can breath and dance a dream come true.

Like who can hope and wish and kiss and coo.

Like who is one who wants, who needs, who blew

A kiss and said I knew who

Was you.

silence and a broken prayer

just wrote this one. no introduction this time. leave a comment if you'd like. here goes.

silence and a broken prayer

softly, slowly, the winds breathe with ease

the subtlety's amazing

of what can and cannot be

of what is real and what is not

was not, will not be

unless, somehow it is.

the sky is dark and heavy

a weight so soft and grand

like hoofbeats on the lofty meadow

of yesteryear, and the coming year, and the year that will never be.

the oak of strength and comfort

the winds of change and time

the beats of steady continuity

cannot break, cannot snap

but they can bend

oh, they can bend

and here I am

a moment, a name

a single breath on a frosty window

that beckons to the vacant eye

here I am

so broken

so scared of the knowledge I lack

so thirsty for something I cannot taste

but taste has died

yes, taste has died

it did in loss and fear and pride

leaving its mark upon my side

a widow now was once a bride

gone

so gone

so gone is all around me

I hide, I seek, I found me

alone.

Time

This one's a little different than my other stuff
I wrote it yesterday
at 2:08 a.m.

But it talks of what I feel we must know
what we must understand
everyone has a voice
a need for speech, something to say
yet it is a very small few
who are brave enough to listen

So many ideas
hopes, dreams,
crucial thoughts and feelings
all lost
forever
to the decaying vacuum of deafened ears
where many a poet has lost his pen
and now wanders in endless silence.

Anyway, here it is.
I called it "Time", but it really can be called anything
it means whatever it says to you
I am but a single individual
a passing soul in the ever-changing winds of time
yet words and thoughts are powerful
don't ever let them die.

Time

Hearts can beat

thump, thump, thump,

nothing can withstand

the adding measure

of time and space and depth

but it doesn't want to

doesn't need to

doesn't feel or hope or strive to

but it tries, it really tries

A million calls to broken phones

the cord is up but the voice is torn

when no-one hears

no-one can speak

but they try

oh, they try

A thousand shouts on deafened ears

deaf to child's cry

to birds that die

to empty halls that wonder why

to a million hearts that want to fly

but night's dream forgot to tell them

how to leave the ground

And so, they wait

silent, breathless

the clock keeps ticking

but no-one hears

the chimes have all stopped

because no-one wound them

children fell because no-one found them

horns won't blow when no-one sounds them

but they can try

oh, they can try

to see and feel

and blink without eyes

They wind is cool but air is stiff

blankets for empty ground

everyone's got something to say

a place to be, a story to tell

but what to do when it all runs out

because no-one stopped to listen

Midnight Step

I wrote this one in the lounge today

At Riverland Community College,
the skylight for chancelike thought.

For emptiness is nothingness
and nothingness is innocence
and innocence is honesty
and honesty is real.

It is a long journey, no doubt
to find reality in a world of darkness
by means of the so brightly shining light
which we are often blinded to
by our own lust and fear and pride.

Yet, I wrote this.

It is strange perhaps
to some it means nothing
and everything to another

To me, it is both
for I am neither its reader nor creator
I am merely the hand which held the tapestry for another's stroke

I cannot take credit for this piece
I must admit to you that other than the chords,
I put relatively no effort into writing this
So its words are hardly my own.

It took me less than a minute to write this
my hand raced across the paper to get it all out

But here it is,
whatever it is
my blob of words of ink
which means all or none or something
which is really nothing at all.

Midnight Step

Trailing in along the shore

don't leave, don't turn back

walking down that track

of missing ends of slack

fleeing fast, missing the core

in empty times of day

people leave and people stay

but nobody can pray

where's it going, what's it for?

Running fast and running still

can't seem to go but can't tell what's real

when everything is gone and nobody can feel

when's the time, what's the deal

empty minds, hearts of steel

Millions shedding empty tears

can't afford to brake

or suffer at the stake

of times and fights to make

holding hands of hidden fears

everything's so fake

ribbons bows and drapes

a thousand empty lakes

close your eyes, it re-appears

Running fast and running still

can't seem to go but can't tell what's real

when everything is gone and nobody can feel

when's the time, what's the deal

empty minds, hearts of steel

On they walk in open sand

of moonlight dust and air

to fly without a care

sunshine in my hair

touch the sky and hold my hand

looking here and there

loss is everywhere

don't stop and stare

someone might try to understand

creatures, beasts and lairs

of maidens, clowns and heirs

to sit on wooden chairs

each with nothing ever planned

Running fast and running still

can't seem to go but can't tell what's real

when everything is gone and nobody can feel

when's the time, what's the deal

empty minds, hearts of steel

Circles

I wrote this one late last night
As you've probably gathered from the title, it's about circles.

It isn't a new thought at all,
and I certainly don't claim to be its originator
yet it befuddles me time and again
how magically real circles are.

Once you're in, you can never stop,
on and on it goes in perfect completion,
a single whole,
so "right" to our troubled minds.

Yet circles scare me.

Ceaseless perfection is
well, ceaseless.

Never ending, never beginning, just on and on and on

Nothing new, nothing old,
round and round in the routine uniformity
which we chase so desperately
but can never achieve.

It is so wonderful to me
so incredibly perfect
that our lives are laden with imperfection

As I've often said,
we are creators,
always moving and building and making,
doing something new

No moment is like the one before
so let's stop and see it
before it's gone.

So, here's that poem.

Circles

Circle come and circle go

circle fast and racing

circle spin, doors facing

circle high and circle low

but circle lacing

cannot flow.

Circle run in spiral down

circle down the hall

circle cannot fall

circle around the foggy clown

encircles all

of water's drown.

Circle in and circle out

circle funny, laughing

circle up, store's staffing

circle sits within without

to circle's passing

scream and shout.

Circle by the river bend

circle past the sea

circle sipping tea

circle where the dreams won't end

of circular we

fight or fend.

Circle in my empty cup

circle round and round

circle of empty ground

circle low, to fall and dump

of circles found

clamp and clump.

Circle down the foggy night

circle in my dreams

circle all Earth and themes

circles out to do what's right

what circles mean

is candlelight.

Passion

This one's more of a random thought than anything

A question in the world's passing
which we know is around us
yet which we hardly ever stop
to look and really see

It seems that we miss so much;
opportunities, choices, beauty, and love
in our fervant run through the times

And, really, what are we running to?
what are we running from?
they're one and the same, really,
beginnings always prelude the ends.

And what are they to our simple eyes
if not mere dirt, water, and air?

So, in a world where the body is seen as supreme,
fashioned by the non-existant "Mother Nature,"
we really are quite confident
for such temporary things.

But, somehow,
miraculously, perhaps,
despite our worship of our own limited time and power and fate,
we do care.

We do fix and build and chase and strive,
we work for the epic "tomorrow."
and as the storyteller sings deep into the night
We listen and we hear.


Well, anyways, here's that entry.
I wrote in my diary last night.
Let me know what you think.

Passion. It's such a funny word. One among many in our largely unreal English language which has relatively no meaning but its own, and it's own meaning is none at all. We really have no idea of what passion truly is or was or means. So why is it so real? Why does it live so undoubtedly beneath each of us, fueling nearly our every action?

Why? Why do we hold such a strong power deep withing our hearts? Passion, which is love and hate and care and pain and work and speech and art and fear. It is in and of nearly everything we create. Which, in essence, is what we are. Creators. The moment we stop creating, we cease to exist, yet that creation is often displayed only in our own destruction.

Man was meant to work. It is inevitable. To build, to start, to grow, and to never ever stop. We have this strange and intrinsic concept of "purpose," which guides us to do all we do. A man must have a reason, an excuse for his existance, or he has no reason to exist at all. It is very ironic, therefore, that so much of our creation fights hard on destructive lines. That drive to be doing comes from a deep-set human push.

Which brings me back to my first question, the reason that I am writing to you at such a late hour, my hand moving fast as it scribbles across the page, racing for my devotion against the powerful call of slumber. Passion. What is it? Why do we even have or feel or need it? What is want and drive and need? Well, I suppose they are partly the reason we exist at all. It is our passions which fuel everything we do. Maybe that's the answer. Maybe passion is fuel; energy to be channeled in serving our own purpose.

And we do, indeed, have a purpose. Whether or not we chose to acknowledge it, the existance of choice is blatent and real. Yet so many chose to ignore its existance altogether, walking blindly and in doubt of their own reality. Perhaps it's because they're afraid. Afraid and, as so many in our world of doubts, unable to accept the existance of that fear. Afraid of what will face them if they do, indeed, exist. For with choice comes responsibility.

Yet with responsiblity comes connection, from which comes passion, and only with passion as our fuel can we ever create.

"He not busy being born is busy dying." Bob Dylan said that (big surprise, lol). That really is what it all boils down to. We're all busy. We must be. If we had nothing to do, we'd being doing nothing. And if that nothing is, in itself, truly absent of all something, man could never bear to do that nothing. If he could, everything would be nothing at all; a stalemate of standing time.
And he can't live in stalemate. It gets boring.

G-d is Good

This one has a different flavor than the ones I've given you so far
yet I feel it is essential that it be seen

By you, dear reader

You who struggles so desperately to grasp the meaning
printed in paper and ink by a stranger
allowing her to touch your mind and soul
without pre-condition or known purpose
it is a very dangerous game to play.

But, if you are like me,
and you strive to hear every call in the wind
to paint your collage of hope and love and truth
please, keep reading on.

One cannot appreciate
the towering oak
if he cannot see the tiny seed
which fueled its growth
and which is, in a sense, what it is and will be
the more fragile and perhaps even more beautiful side
of such a towering, majestic tree.

And this?

this is me.

The diary excerpt I am about to reveal to you
involves a concept which is more controversial, more misunderstood, and yet held more dearly to people than any I've seen.

Please do not be conformed to believe
in anything, or everything, or nothing at all
by the words that I write on this page

For you are who you are
and if you should choose to take a certain path
that is your choice, and please hold it dear.
our choices are who we are.

I believe that no ideology can ever be real to you
wholeheartedly and honestly
unless you have contrived it yourself.

Yet, the storyteller strives to speak truth
and the song the storyteller sings
is not edited to fit the ears of its beholders

so, read, if you wish

or don't if you do not

or read and agree,

or read and disagree,

or don't read and tell yourself that don't regret not reading,

or stand with no feet upon the icy realms of curiosity until it beckons you so determinedly that you come back and read again.

So, here goes:

There is so much beauty in this world. It is incredible to me how much there is standing before us, so patiently waiting for us to open our eyes.

Every bird has a tree to sleep in, every tree has a patch of its own, and in several small moments, when I will close my eyes to drift and dream, and leave the pen and paper within my moving hands to succumb to the tempting call of slumber, it is in warmth and comfort and love that I will let go.

The essence of all embraces me, and I welcome its call with such joy. For I am It, and It is me. We are connected by what dwells within us, though we walk upon separate lands.

The beautifully orchestrated tapestries of time and of days sing as they fill up their cups with wine. It is sweet and kind and wonderful and good. It beckons and I hear its cry.

Oh, G-d,
creator of everything,

You are One,
the Great Bestower of love

One,
in the Heavens and the Earth

One who sings
in fish and in lions and in doves

We are connected by what You have placed within me, and also by all that I can see. For everything holds its spark of You which shines when You call its everlasting name.

Please, don't hide Your face from me. My hands are weak, and I feel so alone. Take me on Your wing and I will fly. Hold me in Your arms and I will not quiver. For You are my comfort, my everything and all. Your Essence lies within me, and I feel it.

It pounds beneath my heart, sees beyond my eyes, fuels my mind with my every thought, yet so often I feel so blind. All Your creations praise You. The sun and the silver moon. The rock on the hill and the mountains so tall, and the rain and the dew and the ocean and clouds. They all declare Your Goodness and Your Mercy.

Each blade of grass and branch of tree, every flower and thorn and bush. Every fruit of the ground which falls from the sky calls to You in its sweet, clear sound.

Every ant and fish and camel, every bird and snake and dove. Every lion bows to greet You, every deer prances to fit Your plan of love.

Every man who walks Your wondrous Earth hears the great shofar and sings Your Great song. Every beggar and tramp and millionaire stands in Your presence and joins as one. Every king bows his head to Your glorious throne, every child and bride, every juggler and clown, each music man beats to Your tune.

For if not by Your Will, they would cease to exist. Each treasures His own part of You.

And I?
I am on of the trillions who walk delicately in Your wake. And as my words touch Your towering gates, please open them for me that I may be be heard.

Like a child, I cry for Your embrace. To enwrap me and hold me and steer me in Your ways. Each moment is a stroke upon a majestic painting. I hold my brush, shaking, in my tentative hands, but You smile and I go on. Please, give me Your wink that I may see Your face. Open my eyes to reality.

"A pure heart create for me, Oh G-d, and a true spirit make new within me."
King David said that

"G-d is Good."
I said that.

HOW MUCH WOOD WOULD A WOODCHUCK CHUCK???

Hey everyone.

This one may seem pessimistic.
I wrote it in my diary two days ago
after hearing a shockingly egotistical remark
from someone very close to me.

Although I must skip several lines
out of privacy and respect for the individuals
of whom I speak
and whom either know my feelings already,
or will if and when they are to lay eyes
upon this rapidly-growing page.

The comment stunned me,
shaking me and evoking within me
an emotion that we all feel and know
but are perhaps too cowardly
or too proud to acknowledge.

Yet, the storyteller strives to speak truth.
so, in truth I come,
and in truth I hope to go,
and it is truth that I will now utter to you,
dear reader,
as my lips quiver in the growing cold
and I struggle to reveal to you what is real.

I'm scared.

This is how it read:

It is 2:59 a.m.
My eyes grow weary as I stare down upon your ever-patient pages. It is after Shabbos, very late at night, and I struggle to keep awake. So why do I bother? Because I have a message which I feel obligated to convey to you.

And so, it is this:
I am afraid.

Why are people so stupid? What is it that lies within us that makes us so desperate to know that we're better than everyone else?

Why do we assign social values and labels to separate and break the few ties we still hold dear? Somehow, we think it is our "value" assigned to us by a very corrupt society that has the capacity to sum up who we are.

But then, if we are not compared to one another, what is the reference from which we define ourselves? Are we so terribly uncivil that we must push someone else down to make ourselves feel higher?

And furthermore, what is this great idealistic pleasure to be gained from knowing we're better than everyone else? If we spend our lives chasing that dream, what do we end with?

Either we've knocked everyone around us down mercilessly, or we've surrendered as worthless in total depression. Either way, it often seems, we end up 5 feet under ground in a pit of dirt, the same place the bodies we so worship came from to begin with.

Perhaps I sound terribly pessimistic, but I don't understand what it is that we're running to . . . or from, for that matter. Everyone seems to follow a pattern; truly so desperate to fit into a mold of silence, darkness, and power; the ultimatum of our modern definition of what is "perfection."

How ironic, then, are our undeniable differences. It is very strange that we have this inexplicable urge to push down our oppressors to rise to the top, yet we have no idea as to what the race is for.

In reality, we cannot compare ourselves to those around us because we have relatively nothing in common. There is no scale upon which to judge a man that will weigh his brother in justice.

Why is it, then, that we turn to others for judgment? Certainly there is some generic criteria for good and evil, yet who are we to deem ourselves capable of distinguishing these differences?

"One man's loss is another's gain," how sickeningly horrible are those epic words. We feed ourselves the feasts of our own bloody destruction for no other reason than the momentary sensation which is really so very detrimental.

Men often take pleasure in another's pain. The feeling of power, of the subservience of their brothers, is an addictive drug which ensnares their entire beings, blinding them to the very ideals of which they once spoke so passionately.

My Psychology teacher said the other day that our minds are manipulated. But I can't help but wonder why we make it so. It must be an active decision, for nothing can take power without its subject's consent. Yet we give that consent so willingly when someone, anyone, tells us to do so.

I believe in the Question. The epic, "If," "But," and "Why." These words have become so lost, so buried in the turn of days. Yet I dare to unhatch them once more.

For instance:

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if the government didn't steal it all away? If it wasn't taken from him though he longed to feel it beneath his hungry teeth? Perhaps the reason he is unable is that he has been robbed, as so many in this country, of his home, his job, his money, and his very wood. Maybe if he didn't so worship all these trivial goods, and just didn't care about his entire life being shipped to corrupt yet some more already miserable lives in factories overseas, then maybe he would be able to get a few logs in.

However, as we're all too busy cutting down any trees that are still around to further contaminate our already polluted air in the chase of our own greed, poor Woodchuck probably doesn't miss wood at all as he likely has no idea of its existence.

He probably lives in a two-bedroom condo in Florida, which was probably just foreclosed because of an economy that's falling because of people who care too much about a green piece of paper with a face, a number, and the power to corrupt a world.

The People Cycle

I feel like we're all so stupid sometimes.

No, really.

I mean, do you ever notice
how our entire world seems to run in a circle

How we go so far
chasing our own destruction
and corrupting our own tomorrows
in our endless pattern of
fear and pain and greed?

We're so self-destructive
in our chain of falling ideals

People serve money,

Money creates lust,


Lust becomes hate,


Hate fuels bigetry,


And when bigetry constructs a society,


that society destroys people.


So, on we rant in our crumbling ways
so desperate to ruin
everything that anyone has achieved


Because that anyone
is someone else
and in a world of lies, fools, and hatred
our only achivement
is that of "me".

Why do we try so hard
in chasing and creating
such terrifyingly putrid dreams?

What great prize is to gain
from the countless hours spent
fighting and running and bleeding
with no purpose or goal?

So often it seems
that at the end of the day
we're left with nothing
but our own end.

"Be G-d's hands on Earth,
not His gavel."
my Mother said that.

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness,
only light can do that."
Martin L. King Jr. said that


"It's time to start doing stuff."
I can't believe I'm quoting him, but
Barrack Obama said that.

"When you fight with sticks,
you end up with a big pile of matches,
so let's start worrying
about someone's else's tomorrow."
I said that.

The Little Bird's Song

I think I was eight or nine when I wrote this
It was my first poem

It is strange to me,
and so miraculous
how we all change

How our bodies and minds
are so governed
by the ever turning
wheel of days

Yet our essence,
the light that shines firmly within us
shall never grow faint
or weary

It is a piece of the One Above
our Eternal connection
with our creator

And in a world
running rampant with falsehood

Where we drown
in hurt and death and lies

Where the results of our own
corrupt choices
will stab at us continuously
until we open our eyes

I can stand firm
alone, perhaps, but so very sure
That G-d is Above
and that He is One
and that He has blown my spirit within me

It is Truth

Perhaps the only Truth I know.

Anyway, here it is.

The little bird sings
tweet tweet, tweet tweet,
watching her babies fall asleep
they nestle in their cozy bed
Watching the sunset up ahead

For they have nothing at all to fear
as their mother whispers in their ears
and just before she says goodnight
she sings a song that sounds just right

And as she sings her lovely song
you can tell for miles long
that it is but love that fills the air
a love that only a mother can share

So tonight, as in your bed you lie
listen to her lullabye
but remember to not make a single peep
the little bird is fast asleep.

The Clock Keeps Ticking On

I wrote this one last night
just before I succumbed
to the ever-turning
tides of slumber

But I must first warn you

If you are among the millions
who've never blinked an eye

Never stopped to wonder
what the world will be like
when you step out your door tomorrow
and gaze, unseeingly
upon yet another
vast, narrow road

Never asked a question
never wondered why
but walked these roads so blinded
never caring or feeling

Totally numb

A silent pawn
in the game of passing time

Then you will not understand,
you can never understand
what it means to cry.

Why people feel for one another
why we embrace
and love, and give

Why we dream about tomorrow
Why we mourn, and try, and pray

If you cannot breath
the air of truth
nor taste
the tears of hope and of sorrow

You will not be more
than the dust that makes you
the sand and sea
that flows in your veins

You will never open to something more
nor see a silver moon
nor hold a broken heart

And at the end of days
when all are dancing
you will not hear
the Storyteller's Song.

Anyways, after that brief introduction
from which my hands
have grown fairly sore

here it is . . .

The clock ticks on and on
rain falls and wind howls
stars shine by a crescent moon
someone runs, something's gone
And the clock keeps ticking on

The clock ticks on and on
children run and play
laugh without a trouble or care
yet feel the ground they're standing on
And the clock keeps ticking on

The clock ticks on and on
fire shot, man is lost in vain
a brother gone, but no one's weeping
just another fallen pawn
And the clock keeps ticking on

My Mother

Open Your Eyes

I know it's a little unusual,

but the storyteller sings in art

as well as in words

for which one picture is worth a thousand.

Paint and ink are, perhaps,

the strongest revealers of truth

For when one throws oneself

unconditionally and yet so willingly

into the unchartered depths

of color and lines,

One totally immerses oneself

without precondition,

making oneself totally vulnerable

to rejection in it's worst

Art is one's everything,

the innermost voice that screams in truth

despite a world of puppets and plays

Of politicians, teachers, and speakers

who demand silence

That all must pretend

with such determination and fear

To see nothing,

hear nothing,

feel, breath, and dream nothing

To be purpsefully blinded

to all that surrounds us.

It is terrifying.

Open your eyes.