A Whim

So now, a flex: I just had sex

and don't know how to feel

I feel it here beneath my bones

but wondering was it real

I cannot think or scarcely breathe

To breathe that is to feel

the deathly dread beneath my skin

the sheets cannot reveal

A dread of bed whilst yet unwed

as do all daughters deal

there is a toxic yearning waste

a wasted wrathly peel

So still I sit and stir and steep

my steeping stir surreal

why alas the night does pass

in passing does conceal

where I've not dared to look, alas

so crass this heart of steel

should I not care or feel a brass

too fast; too fast I feel

I feel it here and everywhere

but closeness, no I don't 

I don't know what to say or why

I stay so firm afloat

I feel perhaps a bit unclean

a wash resistant coat

but here I stand and do not glean

the richness as I gloat

I've don't the deed! I have been fucked!

To fuck so fucked again

I will be fucking now with those

those many steady men

for better or for worse, my heart

my heart is on the mend

but matters not what my heart's got

forgot not, it's pretend

remember now my reason why

my one all means' end

and so to fuck I'll fucking fly

the length my needs extend

I'd like to cum here, here and now

to cum here by his hand

to lust the very greed, I found

myself with empty gland

He's not fulfilled my need

so here I stand and grumbling grim

I wonder why I've done the deed

Why now? why this, why him?

Perhaps but for a fortune's creed

In climbing clitoral stim

I'll end this poem like his seed

My why was just a whim.